Why Your Goals Fail
Many people make goals or resolutions at New Years and most of the time these goals or resolutions fail. I think they fail for a number of reason, but I think they mostly fail because it was the wrong goal. A popular goal is to lose weight- let’s say 10 lbs. I call this a destination goal, meaning that you are striving towards the destination of weighing 10 lbs less and when you achieve it, you somehow think you will be happier. If you happen to be one of the few people who set off on a New Years resolution and actually achieve it you probably will feel some sense of happiness, but it will be short lived and most likely you will gain the 10 lbs back- plus a little.
Create Value Based Goals to Succeed
I think a better goal would be to create a value based goal (Get a free worksheet to help you create your own value based goals here). Value based goals are created out of what is actually important to you and can lead to long lasting changes and a greater sense of happiness. When you created the goal of losing 10 lbs, what is really behind that? You’re probably wanting to be healthier and feel more confident. Then you should make that your goal!
The great thing about creating value based goals, rather than destination goals, is that you can start living and succeeding at your value based goals today. With destination goals, you will spend so many days not living your goal which will leave you worn down and increases the chances of you giving up on your goal. If you want to live a healthy life and feel more confident, you can do something right now that is healthy and makes you feel confident. Just like that you are succeeding and living based out of your values.
Now living a healthy life and feeling confident is going to look one way today, another way in a week, and different a year or a decade from now. If you consistently strive to live out your values each day, you probably will lose 10 lbs and accomplish other destination goals. I think you will also gain so much more happiness along the way by creating value based goals rather than destination goals.
To learn more about creating value based goals, listen to episode 2 of The Great Life Everyday.
Join me for a FREE class on creating value based goals on Thursday, January 19th at Marlene’s Market in Federal Way.
With the start of a new year, many use this time to reflect on the past and look towards the future. Resolutions to lose weight, get in shape, eat better, get organized, spend less, and save more will be written down. One area that is often over looked is our mental and emotional health, so here are ten mental health resolutions to make in 2016.
- Do something that brings you pleasure.
So often we hear the term “self care” and how important self care is for us. I don’t know about you, but it just seems like it’s another item to check off on my to do list (schedule doctor appointment- check, go grocery shopping- check, self care- umm sure…check). Instead, think of doing something that brings you pleasure. What energizes you? What makes you feel refreshed? Think about it and then start doing it!
- Be a best friend to yourself.
I am a big advocate of treating yourself like you are your own best friend. We can be so nasty to ourselves! We would never treat our best friend that way or let someone treat them that way, so why do we treat ourselves this way? You have to live with yourself every day, so you might as well enjoy your own company.
- Be kind to others.
Life is hard for everyone and we don’t always know what someone else’s story is, so be kind. When we show kindness to others, we are creating an opportunity to be kind to ourselves.
- Slow down.
Stop the glorification of being busy! If you constantly feel the need to be busy or feel like you need to look busy, ask yourself what that is all about. Being busy for the sake of being busy is not productive or impressive and has probably lead to you having health problems and or relationship problems. Ask yourself what you are really needing and wanting when you make yourself busy. Do you need to feel important or needed? Or are you trying to look like you have your life together because on the inside you are a hot mess and about to fall apart any second?
- Laugh more.
Laughter really is the best medicine. When you laugh you release endorphins that make you feel good. If you are having a bad day or a rough week, go on YouTube and watch something that makes you laugh. I personally am a fan of Jimmy Fallon’s weekly hashtags.
- Spend time with those you care about.
Put your phone away and really connect with those you love. Yes, I love and care about my phone and enjoy all the time we spend together, but really nothing beats spending quality time with the people I love. In 2016, make an effort to put your phone away a little more and just spend time with those you care about. Building on these relationships will improve your mood and might help you accomplish number 5 on this list.
- Move more.
Just like laughter, movement is great medicine! We carry so much of our emotions in our bodies. I always know when I’m stressed because I will get knots in my shoulders and I know it’s serious when the muscle tension moves up my neck and down my arm. Movement helps alleviate the built up stress in our muscles by shaking or stretching it out and also releases endorphins which will lift our mood. So in 2016, don’t find the closest parking spot and take some stretch breaks.
- Think about others.
So often we get wrapped up in our own lives- our own problems and our own interests. This can lead to you not being a lot of fun to be around. There are many many people in this world and like I said before, life is hard. No matter how different we are, we are all in this together so let’s start thinking about each other more.
- Do something outside your comfort zone.
If you stop stepping outside your comfort zone, then you will never grow. Don’t think you need to go all out and do something completely unlike you because chances are it will be so far outside your comfort zone you won’t do it or it will freak you out. Just go to where you start to feel the discomfort and hang out there for a while. At some point, your comfort zone will extend to this new spot and you can step a little further. Work on quieting those negative thoughts that tell you that you can’t do it or you will make a fool of yourself. Replace them with supportive thoughts that cheer you on, so ask for the salary increase or take those dance lessons!
- Speak your truth.
So often we don’t say what we mean and then we get upset that someone didn’t read our minds. It’s really not fair to get upset at someone for something we never told them bother used or that we needed. It can be difficult to say what we want to say and the other person isn’t always going to respond how we want them to, but it can be so freeing to speak our truth.
So there are ten mental health resolutions for 2016. What mental health resolutions are you making this year?
